Sunday, January 17, 2016

It's A Boy!!!

I, Simon have an announcement all the way from Rainbow Bridge.


I have a new baby brother.

He came home on January 9th, and both mom and baby are doing fine. His first week home was a big change for mom, but they seem to be settling into a pattern.

Mom is still doing what I'm told is called "nesting" and making sure that the house is all set up for him. Before he came she made sure to buy everything she thought he would need, and then some. Truthfully I think she may have gone a little overboard, I mean come on mom does he really need that many blankets?

Of course she's already told him all about me, after all I am the older brother. I'm still working on fun ways to visit, and pick on him.


So I guess you are curious to know a bit more about him?

Ok here goes...

His name is Loki. He is 41/2 and weighs a bouncing 17 pounds.

So here he my new baby brother.

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

For My Angel Simon

I had tried to write this blog on the 26th. But every time I sat down to type, my words wouldn't come. I'm still not sure I know what to say, but I'm going to try because I need to.
So here I go, trying my best to find my words.

Dear Simon,

According to the calendar on the wall it's December 26th, it's been a year since you've been gone. A year I had to learn to live without you. It doesn't feel like a year, it doesn't even seem like it's been a day yet. But then again some days it feels like it's been longer then a year. How time can pass so slow, and so fast all at once, I'm still not sure.

I know one thing for sure though, not a day goes by that I don't think of you. I see reminders of you everywhere, in everything. On those days I still find it hard to breathe. You were such a big part of my life, you were my life. I miss you. I carried on our traditions, I fell asleep on Christmas eve watching twenty four hours of a Christmas Story.  We would watch it together way into the morning every year. You always fell asleep way before I did, curled up under the covers on my lap, snoring softly.

You were the little dog that saved me, that came into my life when I needed you most. It's been a hard year, and I'm just now starting to find my way again. I have met some amazing people to help me get through it. I strongly believe you had a hand in my finding the Tanner Brigade. Thank you. You are still saving me when I need it. But even still what I need the most is you. That will never change, and I never want it too.

I've been looking around on rescue sites, looking for a furry face that needs me. I know you are looking too, and trying to send me just the perfect one. It's not easy, no one can ever be you. I'm hoping the next year will be a little bit easier, the same with the year after that. I want you to know I'm trying my best, I'm trying for you. Because you would want me to.

I hope you are having fun, and not getting into too much trouble at the bridge. And I hope you had a wonderful Christmas too.

I miss you, and I love you so very very much.
Love Forever, Your Mommy

Saturday, October 10, 2015

The Passing Of Time

It's funny how you can go from being fine, and doing ok, to suddenly not being fine or ok at all. It just hits you hard and knocks you down, at least that's how it feels for me. I've been wanting to write a few blogs on here since about August, but with my heart not in it, the words just don't come easy.
I'm in a mood tonight, I just need to share, to release my pent up emotions. Because dammit I'm not ok yet. I also have a feeling this will be a long blog for me.

August saw the passing of what would have been my Simon's 17th birthday. It was a weird feeling to have his day come and pass without him around to share it with. But of course the day wasn't missed by my knowing angel. I was in a cleaning mood a few days later, and upon moving what would have been Simon's sofa, I found a small white feather.

I know it could have came from somewhere else, but I know my angel.

Finding signs, or little coincidences can be comforting, they help take some of the pain away, even for a little while. Finding my feather was the best sign I could get, but finding a close second is pretty good too. I get email updates from a few Dachshund sites I'm a part of, and most of them are for shopping. So of course when an email offering a free Dachshund gift came to my inbox, I couldn't say no.

The free gift was for a Dachshund keychain, however, the real gift came after clicking onto the site. A wooden sign on the main page of the website, simply stating “All you need is love...and a Dachshund”.
It was perfect. It said it all. It was my two favorite things in one special little wood sign.

A sign that now sits in my room by my bed.

As always in finding my comforting and good moments, I get my fair share of sad and hard ones as well. It's those hard ones that made this blog so difficult to write, or take so long to write I guess.

We are now in the month of October and then pretty soon December. October is Halloween, one of my all time favorite holidays. A holiday that was always shared with Simon. Matching costumes, or just buying a new one every year. The stores have all the decorations and costumes out, including the ones for pets. It's a bittersweet aisle to walk down.

A part of me still wants to buy him a cute new costume, or that one to match mine. But then again, why? Who's it for now, me, just for old time sake? So is it worth it? Will it help or hurt in trying to move on?

And worse yet, the month I'm dreading. The month I don't want to come, yet just want to get it over with... December. December should be a happy month for me. My birthday is on the 22nd and Christmas is the 25th. But it also marks Simon's passing on the 26th.

It marks my first year without him. A reminder of how much time has passed, and that the wound is still fresh. I want to say I hope 2016 is better, but...only time will tell.


Friday, June 26, 2015

Dear Simon - Dear Mom

Dear Simon,

You have been gone for six months today. The days don't really get much easier as the months pass. In fact some days it feels like they get longer. I wish I could say that my pain is less, but it's not yet. I doubt it ever will be.

You were my whole world for seven years. The best thing to ever happen to me was the day I met you. We had such a deep love, and truly connected bond. You only had eyes for your mommy. I still save your spot in the bed, and any time food drops to the floor, I think of you. Your food and water dish are still down and waiting for you, as are your toys.

This is going to be a very hard day for me. Life isn't the same without you here. I start typing a thought to you, only to erase it and start over. I don't know what to say to you besides how much, and deeply I miss you. That I love you.

You have a birthday coming up, seventeen. I think on that day, I'll have a cheeseburger, plain of course, in your honor. I'll even put a candle in it for you. I bet you are thinking your moms so silly for doing something like that, but when it comes to you, I have no shame. I will do anything for you. Speaking of which, I'm watching a Beatles movie today, just for you.

Can you remember laying beside me as I sang Beatles song to you? Did you have a favorite?

Dear Mom,

I miss you too, and I love you with all my heart. I spend my time watching over you, and playing with my new doggie friends. We tell stories of our moms and dads, and the time we had with them. I tell them all about you, and that you are also telling the same stories about me.

The seven years I got to spend with you, and be loved by you were the best years of my life. You spent all of your time helping me, and you showed me what true love is. You helped make my life before you become just a bad dream. Thank you for that mom.

Please don't hurt so much for me, it makes me sad I can't be there to lick the tears away. I can see and feel your sadness. You are right mom, our bond can never be broken, please try to remember that now.  You can sleep on my side of the bed, and that new bed does look pretty comfy.

I sure do miss cheeseburgers, that's something we doggies could use up on the Bridge, a good burger joint. And I always thought you were silly mom, but you loved me and that was all that mattered.
I didn't care what song you sang, you were singing to me. It was the love I felt, the words didn't matter.

Always remember I love you, I love you from the tip of my tail, to the top of my nose, and I always will. That will help you when you feel sad. When you think of me, know I'm thinking of you too.

I also wanted to add to this blog a video I had made for Simon, but it's almost seventeen minutes long. So, I figured, I would instead let anyone who would like to see it message me, or comment that they would like to see it, and I would give them the link to the video.

Thanks Emmy

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

The Photo The Never Was

So the next few days, and next few blog posts are going to be very hard for me. I may have mentioned it before, but this Friday marks six months that my Angel Simon has been at Rainbow Bridge. For me that's the day time stops. It marks a day that forever changed me.

It's also making me think about all of the wonderful times, and memories I got to have with Simon. And I wanted to share a big one with you. I may have told this story in short hand in other blog posts, but this is going to be the full story about the day I took the photos below, and forever changed my life.

 The date on these pictures is August 17th, 2007. In November of 2006 I had lost a little girl Bichon Frise, named Precious. She had to be put to sleep because of issues with her heart, and losing her had broken mine. I had also lost my grandmother in February of that same year. To say I was broken, and lost is an understatement. Everything in my world that I loved was gone.

I had told anyone who would listen I was NEVER getting another dog. I just wasn't going to put myself through that again. A few people said they understood, and agreed with me that loving and losing these pets are very hard. Some told me that I would find one I liked, and one day have a pet again. I wanted to scream at both parties that they didn't understand, and that no I wasn't going to get another pet.

So when one day a good friend and co-worker, who also happens to be in a Dachshund rescue group asked me to help her with her new fosters adoption photos, I thought nothing much of it. I would go, take there picture, email her the good ones. She posts them on the rescues website with a bio on the dog, and my job and good deed is done.

I. Was. Wrong. Very wrong.

The first dog she introduced me to was Simon. She was on her back porch holding him, telling me he was one of her tender ones. He was going to need only the best home. She also told me he would do better being carried to the spot I was going to take his pictures. Those words were soon followed by this little brown body being handed to me over the fence.

I looked at him, he looked at me... we had a small staring contest going on between us, as my friend gathered the rest of her "models"...and then he put his paw down my shirt.

In that moment, that little paw sliding its way down my shirt, created many things. I would realize only later, as he snored in my lap one day, that that move wasn't for safety, or from anxiety. He was claiming me. He had picked his person.

In looking back at the photos I took of him that day, to the photos I took of him those seven years he was mine. Those are two totally different dogs. The first one is shy and wanting someone to love and save him. The dog after, was happy and sure of himself, he was safe, and loved.

I took a few shots of him, only to not find any of them worthy of his adoption page. I feel, even then, a part of me knew he was meant to be with me. Those adoption photos I took of him, never got emailed to his foster mom, they never got posted to his adoption page, and until this blog post, never got thought about again.

I'm glad I took those photos, I'm so very glad. Those photos are what helped me find just what I needed, when I didn't think I needed it.

Simon and I both were in need, we were broken and lost. In finding each other, we found our missing pieces. That thing we both needed to be whole.

I didn't just rescue him...he rescued me too.

There will never be another Simon. He was meant just for me.

The pain of loss is great, there's an ache in my chest that has yet to go away.

But the joy of love, of being loved, and of loving someone. Now that can take your breath away.


Thursday, June 18, 2015

My Puppy Flower

I'm having a bit of writers block, so I'm hoping this post can help me get out of my writing funk.
From the moment I got Simon his personality towards the camera leaned towards that of a ham. I loved taking his picture as much as he loved posing for them. A candid shot was always hard to pull off, as soon as he heard the camera click he was posing.

He also LOVED to dress up. I swear for a boy he had more clothes and costumes than I did. So, of course getting dressed up and having his picture taken was the best thing ever. I swear if I was too slow in getting him into one of his shirts, he would try to do it for himself.  Most often dressing himself without my help.

But that's not my main story with this post. This post is the story of how a random photo shoot idea, became one of my favorite photos of Simon.

As you all know by now, I'm a writer by trade and by heart, but I also love having other hobbies. One of them being photography, and having such a perfect and willing subject as Simon, only made me love my hobby more.

The idea came to me one summer day, after spotting some over sized plastic planters my mom had bought for the yard. I loved seeing cute doggy photos online, and wanted to try my hand at one of my own.Gathering up one of the planters, my camera and Simon, a beautiful photo shoot was born, as well as my very own puppy flower.


Wednesday, June 10, 2015

This Ones For The Dogs

Well this is new. I've set down to type this blog, and I have no idea what I want to write. I try to keep my posts light and semi happy. I feel with all the sadness of losing such wonderful babies to the bridge, we all need a funny story or cute picture. I know I do. That's hard sometimes. And as I concentrate on what words I want to use, and what my point will be. I'm...stuck. I don't have the right words, or a cute Simon anecdote. I'm numb.

These pets, these "dogs" are anything but just a "pet". They are family, our kids. For some of us, they are all we have. We love them as they love us, unconditionally, and with everything we have. And when they are gone our hearts break so deeply, sometimes we can't breathe the pain is so bad. We didn't lose just a pet, we lost family.

Only a true dog lover, can understand this. For some of us, we are not going to be ok in a few days.It takes time, LOTS of time. It hurts my heart when I meet someone and they tell me they have never owned, or been owned by a dog. You feel bad for me because my heart is breaking over my dogs passing, well I feel bad for you, for never having been loved by such a wonderful, and silly creature as a dog.

Had a bad day at work, that wagging tail, and panting tongue can make it all better. They are a therapist that only asks for treats, and a belly rub as payment. They keep our deepest secrets, and never judge us for them. I think Simon knew more about me, than anyone in my life. I know he often times had better advice.

This month, the 26th to be exact. Will be six months since Simon has been gone to the bridge. I'm not really meaning to keep track. To be honest, I don't want to. I don't want one minute without him, how did I get to six months. That's half a year. I'm not ready yet. It still feels like yesterday. I'm still far from ok.

Which makes me relive, and feel heart broken all over again when I read another baby went to the bridge. I hurt for them, I hurt for me. I want to tell everyone of them I know EXACTLY what they are going through. I want to comfort them, and help them.  I know words aren't enough, there's not really anything we can do. It's the thought that counts. To know we have friends, and people who understand. That let us cry, and vent, and talk in circles.

You guys, this place, my blogs and memories. It's all I have now. I'm glad I have you. Thank you

I'm not sure what else to say. I'll try to have a funnier post next time.