Sunday, February 1, 2015

The Dog Who Saved Me

I didn't get much sleep last night, I had dreams of this blog post all night. And yet now that I'm sitting here, ready to type it up, I can't.

I'm going to try my best though, I think somewhere inside me, these blogs, and letters to Simon help.

So here goes nothin.

Before I ever met Simon, I needed him. I was 18, getting ready to graduate high school, and had just lost my grandmother. She was the woman who helped raise and shape me, taught me most of the lessons and things I would need for life. She was my everything, and she was gone.

 Now what? Who's gonna catch me when I fall, or give me advice, even if it's not what I want to hear?

Adding to my already young, and grief stricken soul, my pet that I had had since a puppy. Since I was a kid, wasn't long for this world either. Eight years young and her heart was failing.

I didn't get it, why me? Why now? I made the claim to anyone who would hear me, I'm NEVER getting another dog. I don't want one. It hurts too much.

About a year later, a friend of mine I work with, and who does rescue work wanted me to help her with something. She had a few new fosters and wanted me to take their mug shots for their adoption pages. I said ok, what could it hurt?

That's where I first met Simon. He was nine, underweight, underfed, and underloved. He had came all the way from Georgia. His family had got a new puppy and he was no longer needed. He was handed to me over her backyard fence, and immediately places his paw down my shirt.

I can't explain it, it was like you see in the movies, love at first sight. Our eyes locked and we knew, we were meant for each other. I was there for a few hours taking pictures and meeting the new crew. The whole time Simon never left my side, and to be fair, none of the other fosters wanted anything to do with me.

That night I told my mom I wanted him. We went through the adoption process and he came home to me. And for the last seven, almost eight years, that was where he stayed. By my side, paw in my shirt. He soon claimed my bed, my room and my heart.

I don't mean this lightly, he saved me. We saved each other. We were lost and suffering, and because of events falling into place, we found what would save us, and make us whole again.

I knew he wouldn't be around forever, I feared that everyday. But I loved him, and made him safe,and happy , and loved for as long as he was here. But still that day came out of nowhere, I wasn't ready.
This wasn't the plan, NOT AT ALL! I wanted him to go on his own, safe and asleep beside me. I knew it would hurt, but it was still how I saw it. I didn't want him hurting and suffering again, and me having to make that awful choice.

And now, I'm lost again. For the little dog who saved me, thank you. But who saves me now?
You have left such a huge whole in my world. I know you are up there, watching me, and I'm trying to be strong for you. But I just miss you so much.

Well this wasn't the blog I wanted to write when I started, but maybe it's the one I needed to write.


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